i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
