I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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