it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
