apparently the secret to your success is patron
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
