Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
