Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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