So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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