Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
