you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
