Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
