My liver just broke up with me...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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