Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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