"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
