i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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