So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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