Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
