I think my fart just growled at me.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
