Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
