I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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