he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
