Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
