i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
