I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
