wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
