we're blogging at a bar
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
