Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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