You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
