Welp...herpes.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I currently don't understand fingers.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
