weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
