I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
