Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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