Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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