i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
