Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Oh god it's open bar.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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