so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
