I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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