he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
