I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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