I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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