It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
