remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
