Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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