real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
