he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
