at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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