My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
