Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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