I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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