Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
