omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
