So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
